you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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