He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
