i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im six kinds of drunk right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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