I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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