Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
