I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
