worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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