Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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