Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
