I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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