God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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