I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
