I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
