My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
