I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
