Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
