Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
