i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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