So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
