dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
