You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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