Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
