right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
