she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
