Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Damn victory sex feels great
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
