He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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