I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
