u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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