My Higher Power is John Stamos
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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