I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I could fuck to npr.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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