I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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