Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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