im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
