are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
