im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
