I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
