well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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