No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
