whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
