You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
