Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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