Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
