I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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