And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
