I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
