no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
