Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
