Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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