i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my being single is dangerous.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
