Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
