every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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