bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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